Sunday, March 8, 2015

red words

It’s 11:29 and I wish my cheeks were wet.
But they’re dry
and my lungs are drowning


I keep reading things that I know should make me feel
But my heart isn’t responding        

Every Sunday I hear men in suits tell me how to be happy
And every Friday the canyon reminds me why I should smile

But I’m tired of needing reminders.

I’m tired of nighttime sadness and happiness relapses

I’m mad you don’t seem to care that we look at each other like strangers now
That everything to nothing was such an easy transition for you
I’m mad I wasted time to paint my nails
I’m mad I care about social media as much as I do’
I’m mad I write for comments

Lately I’ve painted over any feelings that don’t reflect that my life is perfect
But the paint is chipping and I’m starting to wonder if painting was every really my thing in the first place


I’m mad things are working out between the two of them
I’m mad that that makes me mad
I’m mad about the two weeks of summer I lost
And that I felt like I was the only not texting four boys at all times last weekend.

The paint is chipping and I think it’s time for me to open up to the idea of flaws and imperfect realities.
Because that’s what I am and what I am living

And I'm trying really hard not to hate who I am. 

I’m mad at the weather forcasts and the full basket of laundry on my floor
I’m mad at the three of them and the fact that I’m going to miss the deadline for this post by a couple minutes.
I’m mad that all my previous posts are about the same thing
I’m mad I don’t always like myself

The paint is chipping and it hurts, but acknowledging everything underneath is allowing clarity.
Clarity that allows me to throw a lot of things away
To clean
A sort of glowing cleaning that leads to feeling again


It’s 12:11 and my cheeks





are finally wet

F. Sharpe

10 comments:

  1. It's the worst when you need to cry but can't. And I'm also so tired of needing reminders.

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  2. ella's comment is exactly true. and all the reasons that you're mad are the same for me. this is great. this is great. you are great. and then the ending was perfect.

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  3. 1. "I keep reading things that I know should make me feel
    But my heart isn’t responding" same
    2. "I’m mad you don’t seem to care that we look at each other like strangers now
    That everything to nothing was such an easy transition for you"
    I'm mad too.
    3. I see the picture on tumblr all the time and I love it
    4. I'm trying really hard not to hate who I am too.
    This whole post was amazing

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  4. "tired of nighttime sadness and happiness relapses"

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  5. The paint is chipping and I think it’s time for me to open up to the idea of flaws and imperfect realities. Because that’s what I am and what I am living"

    a guy told me that my nail polish was "chipping" today and little did he know that the "chipping" paint on my nails perfectly resembles my life, just like you put it.

    thank you for this post.

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  6. this was flawless!! It’s 12:11 and my cheeks are finally wet. my favorite line! super good ending and i also have feelings where i need to cry but cant. i know how you feel.

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  7. "I’m mad that all my previous posts are about the same thing"
    I feel the same way.

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  8. "Lately I’ve painted over any feelings that don’t reflect that my life is perfect
    But the paint is chipping and I’m starting to wonder if painting was every really my thing in the first place"

    OH MY WORD WHY ARE YOU SO FLAWLESS

    THIS WHOLE POST

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  9. Just read this over and over again. So goooooooooooood

    ReplyDelete