spelling test

I learned shoes when I was 1 1/2 and daddy when I was 1 3/4 and he’ll never let it go that he came second.

I learned pencils and take home reading and homework when kindergarten started and snack-time and recess and pack up when kindergarten ended

The word hope came when the Easter Bunny still came when my parents were out of town

Because that meant he was real and I wasn't quite done being a kid

Self-conscious when I started at a school with more gossip than monkey bars

Confused when sticks and stones started sounding like cotton compared to the words you were throwing around

Quiet when words meant tears

Happy when 2^nd period meant talking to you

Worry when I realized my parents were fighting over things bigger than bills

Heartache when I learned the girl next to me wasn’t just skipping meals

And again 

when suicide started to feel familiar

And just last winter I learned the word inadequate and how badly I wanted you to feel otherwise

And still

after years and years of words and lists and wrongs and rights

I can’t seem to find a way to fill the screaming silence of these empty nights.

F. Sharpe