thoughts from the lobby of a freshmen dorm

Nobody tells you that college means a lot of “mom I’m not sure about this” on the phone kind of crying

Nobody tells you that missing people is a real thing and not just something you tweet about to seem relatable.

Or maybe they did and I was just too busy chanting “senior year” while complaining about high school, to hear them.

I’m down in the lobby of my dorm and there’s a bunch of sorority girls all dressed up and Asian guys speaking Japanese and some sort of study group going on.

And I really want to stand up and ask them if anyone has ever slept under the stars to make sure they stay there all night,

or if they’ve ever written something that became a part of them,

or if they miss having friends who got excited with them about the key change in “Love on Top” by Beyonce,

or if they ever go to down to the lobby just to write and check that they still get chills when they read a good line.

And I think the sorority girls would sit me down and give me a lot of “oh honey” looks and pluck my eyebrows,

And the Asians would be confused because they don’t speak English,

And the study group probably wouldn’t even look up because I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard an exasperated “due tomorrow” come from their corner of the room

But I guess I just would hope I’d see a random hand in the back

A hand that would be confident, but quiet and really really proud.

A hand that I could introduce to Paris and dance videos and slam poetry and cornelia and avery and navy and Harold

A hand that would make seattle feel a little less empty

But I’d also be scared that no hand would come up, and then I’d feel awkward because I’d be standing on a chair with a lot of confused people looking at me.

So maybe not today,

Or tomorrow

But one day, I really hope to have enough courage to find someone to share my Felicity with.

Because she’s getting lonely

And I simply owe her too much to let that happen.

BP