Tuesday, September 15, 2015

thoughts from the lobby of a freshmen dorm

Nobody tells you that college means a lot of “mom I’m not sure about this” on the phone kind of crying
Nobody tells you that missing people is a real thing and not just something you tweet about to seem relatable.

Or maybe they did and I was just too busy chanting “senior year” while complaining about high school, to hear them.

I’m down in the lobby of my dorm and there’s a bunch of sorority girls all dressed up and Asian guys speaking Japanese and some sort of study group going on.
And I really want to stand up and ask them if anyone has ever slept under the stars to make sure they stay there all night,
or if they’ve ever written something that became a part of them,
or if they miss having friends who got excited with them about the key change in “Love on Top” by Beyonce,
or if they ever go to down to the lobby just to write and check that they still get chills when they read a good line.

And I think the sorority girls would sit me down and give me a lot of “oh honey” looks and pluck my eyebrows,

And the Asians would be confused because they don’t speak English,

And the study group probably wouldn’t even look up because I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard an exasperated “due tomorrow” come from their corner of the room

But I guess I just would hope I’d see a random hand in the back
A hand that would be confident, but quiet and really really proud.
A hand that I could introduce to Paris and dance videos and slam poetry and cornelia and avery and navy and Harold

A hand that would make seattle feel a little less empty

But I’d also be scared that no hand would come up, and then I’d feel awkward because I’d be standing on a chair with a lot of confused people looking at me.

So maybe not today,
Or tomorrow

But one day, I really hope to have enough courage to find someone to share my Felicity with.
Because she’s getting lonely

And I simply owe her too much to let that happen.



  1. GIRL

    seriously this is the best thing you've ever written. The part about the eyebrows had me Rollin, but the part about callin mom had me sobbing, this was so much and it was genuinely so GOOD and I am so happy because I miss you, but this reminded me that you're still you, and I still love you, and this sentence is too long and this comment is too long. But I love you

  2. wow this is unbelievably relatable and good.
    I'm right there with you.

  3. You are so brave and so good and I miss you like crazy Brittney Porter.

    we’re savage high
    we finally cry
    oh and we don it
    because it’s right

    (Wash. - Bon Iver)

    That didn't really make sense but it felt right.

  4. This post was super good and you've been missed and thank you for making me laugh today with "And the Asians would be confused because they don’t speak English"

  5. wow. amazing. i miss you. and i am honored that you mentioned my name. hope you're doing well. i felt this. and it felt good and sad and i loved it.

    thank you<3.

  6. You put it all into words and holy Moses the line about the key change in Love on Top. Currently sitting in a hall full of plugged in college kids and this is just what a girl needed not to feel alone.

  7. You are the past and the future and everything in between.

  8. "or if they miss having friends who got excited with them about the key change in “Love on Top” by Beyonce, " Whitney?
    Hey Brittney it's me Connor Olvera, Shhhh don't tell anybody. Anyways your blog is freaking amazing and we all really miss you back here. Come back and visit for Thanksgiving cuz the five minutes after your soccer game weren't long enough.

  9. is it bad that i'm on the verge of tears? this was everything-- i can relate. lola's getting lonely too.

  10. im just glad that i found this today and that i still know friends who keep this alive. loved this post. and the asians made it all the better